Best Imitation of Myself
Why is it my parents don't understand that the more they call me and try to tell me things the more they frustrate, depress, and confuse me. You can't tell me that I don't want to give up an art career. You don't know that it's not what I want to do anymore. You don't know what the hell is going through my head and you don't listen.
Why is it my mother especially can't get it through her head for the 10th time that NO I DON"T LOVE IT HERE SO STOP SAYING I DO. California feels like a never-ending bad vacation that I can't get out of. I feel trapped here. Why is it every time i mention moving home when my lease is up you have to say, "it's not because of matt is it?" BECAUSE IT"S NOT.
She wants me to go to a therapist to sort out everything going on in my head.. did I mention the same therapist that is responsible for her and him getting back together. Like I am going to trust the psychological perspective of someone responsible for such a bad decision.
Why is it I don't know what I want? I like the idea of getting an MBA and starting my own business. I like the idea of being an art teacher. My head is so confused that the more I try to sort out my thoughts the more confused I get. Why is it that my boyfriends mom can make the observation that I'm just not happy here and my own mother can't? So she couldn't make it with a career in art.. so why do I have to?
What was I thinking wasting my parents money on art college?? Why is it when I ask myself if I could do anything for a living what would it be and the answer is blank? Having an illustration degree gets you no where. Illustration professors are all just illustration majors who graduated and didn't know what to do.
At least I can count on Matthew for being silly and making me laugh when nothing else is going right.
Why is it my mother especially can't get it through her head for the 10th time that NO I DON"T LOVE IT HERE SO STOP SAYING I DO. California feels like a never-ending bad vacation that I can't get out of. I feel trapped here. Why is it every time i mention moving home when my lease is up you have to say, "it's not because of matt is it?" BECAUSE IT"S NOT.
She wants me to go to a therapist to sort out everything going on in my head.. did I mention the same therapist that is responsible for her and him getting back together. Like I am going to trust the psychological perspective of someone responsible for such a bad decision.
Why is it I don't know what I want? I like the idea of getting an MBA and starting my own business. I like the idea of being an art teacher. My head is so confused that the more I try to sort out my thoughts the more confused I get. Why is it that my boyfriends mom can make the observation that I'm just not happy here and my own mother can't? So she couldn't make it with a career in art.. so why do I have to?
What was I thinking wasting my parents money on art college?? Why is it when I ask myself if I could do anything for a living what would it be and the answer is blank? Having an illustration degree gets you no where. Illustration professors are all just illustration majors who graduated and didn't know what to do.
At least I can count on Matthew for being silly and making me laugh when nothing else is going right.
posted by CaliAves at 7:32 PM
1 Comments:
Hey Avez...I know we haven't talked in a long time, but I know just how you feel. When I first moved to California everything seemed great and then reality set in and I just got homesick. I kind of made the best out of it, but after seven years, the homesickness never waned. I think that's what made my decision easier to move to Boston. I don't think you need a therapist, the whole post-college thing is confusing and it takes time to sort out but it doesn't mean psychological help is necessary! I'm sure things will just kind of click with you, career-wise and suddenly you'll figure out what to do and you'll do it. Hope things get better for you.
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